Note: Hey everyone! It’s been awhile since I wrote an entry. Been busy and can’t think of any interesting scope. And here I am again with a new one. Funny though, it’s hard to write about amusing topics but easy to write about a break-up. I hope you could share your POV about this new entry. Thanks! -Joyce
Two words. Three vowels. Four consonants. Seven letters.
(IT’S OVER)
Hurt, disappointed, discouraged, caught off guard and NUMB. Normal emotions we feel when we experience break up. Sleepless nights. Never-ending thinking and blaming. Endless self-questioning. What have I done? Is it me? Is it him? Am I not enough? Did he not love me enough?
For the past few days since he said “Let’s break up”, I don’t know what should I feel? Again, I feel NUMB. The ending of the daily routine with him, the last piece of sweet exchange of sweet nothings, the last straw of heated arguments, it all boils down to one conclusion, IT’S OVER. I don’t want him to give up but I don’t want to force him to be in a relationship where he just gets frustrated. That’s one thing I learn from that relationship, no forcing of things, and don’t force that person to be a part of your life when on the first place, he let go and he gave up.
LOVE vs FAMILY. You still want him, you miss him, and you freaking LOVE him, but would you beg ? Would you risk sounding desperate to get him back? If only I could do one thing that he requested. But would you be willing to sacrifice your family for the sake of love? Can you stand the sight of your family suffering just by choosing that special someone? Please give some insights people. I chose the former and gave up the latter. Did I make the right decision? I believe so. But did I make a happy decision? I think NOT. Will I regret my decision? Honestly, I do not know.
The thing about break up, no matter how people say, “when one door closes, another door opens” or “move on, he’s not the right guy for you” you just can’t easily move on. Better said than done huh. I don’t know when I will move on totally, it may take days, months or even years, I don’t know. One thing I want to happen is to forget and move forward but I don’t know how to do that. Making myself busy the whole day but at the end of the day, when the sun sets, you can feel the hurt again. (sighs)
But last night, I have decided, IT WILL ALWAYS BE MY CHOICE TO MOVE ON. Upon writing this journal, moving on comes next. It may be hard, but I need to do it for my sanity.
REALIZATIONS/LESSONS:
a. You can’t force someone to be a part of your life, don’t beg.
b. Missing someone is tough, but controlling yourself not to miss that person is TOUGHER.
c. To WOMEN: A man who truly loves you will never let you go no matter how hard the situation is
d. To MEN: A woman who truly loves will be angry at you for so many things but will stick around
e. BLOOD is thicker than water; you sacrifice for the sake of family even though choosing them might hurt and bruise your love life
f. But I know in time, I’ll fight for my love life with the RIGHT PERSON at the RIGHT TIME
g. Don’t be in a relationship when you can’t even fight for it on the first place
h. Either you fight for that person or wait for the right time
i. I can move on
j. I will move on
k. I SHOULD move on.
l. It might take a while, but eventually you’re going to find the good in goodbye.
